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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27575674">May you bring love and may you bring happiness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/robynvite/pseuds/robynvite'>robynvite</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role, Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual Caduceus Clay, Asexual Fjord, Canon Asexual Character, I also interpret Fjord's discomfort around all things sex as him being ace haha, I wanted to write about ace!Caduceus!, It doesn't play a large role in this story but I wanted to address it, Other, So this is sex repulsed Fjord and sex neutral Caduceus, Spoilers for episode 115, Thank you Taliesin!, asexual author, very dialogue heavy, warning: I also mention Fjord's thing with Avantika, which can be read as non-con because Fjord didn't want to &amp; is sex repulsed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:20:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,495</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27575674</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/robynvite/pseuds/robynvite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After sharing with the Nein that he has no interest in sex, Caduceus is approached privately by Fjord, and finds out that they have one more thing in common.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Caduceus Clay &amp; Fjord</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>May you bring love and may you bring happiness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, this is incredibly self-indulgent haha. I was very pleased with how casual Taliesin dropped this, and that they didn't make a big deal out of it at all! But I wanted to do a bit of a deeper conversation about it. I'm ace and I've always really struggled with it, and I'm projecting some of my struggles on Caduceus and Fjord here. I hope to get to a point of Caduceus' easy acceptance myself.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘So, okay, so, wait,’ Jester said. ‘The butcher was into you? – you know we have some time, you can go to her!’</p>
<p>‘Oh, that’s not necessary,’ Caduceus said, a bit amused with everyone’s interest in this. Typical for his friends. ‘I mean I liked her, but not like what she had in mind.’</p>
<p>‘Not your type?’ Caleb asked.</p>
<p>‘No, no,’ Caduceus said.</p>
<p>‘Who’s your type?’ Beau wondered, leaning in with a smirk.</p>
<p>‘Those sort of things don’t really interest me,’ Caduceus repeated for the group.</p>
<p>‘Really?’ Jester asked. ‘Or are you being mysterious?’</p>
<p>‘I’m really not,’ Caduceus laughed.</p>
<p>‘Sex doesn’t interest you?’ Beau asked.</p>
<p>‘Nah,’ Caduceus repeated.</p>
<p>‘And relationships?’ Jester prodded.</p>
<p>‘Well, I like our relationships,’ Caduceus smiled.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, but, romance?’ Jester said, rolling the r.  </p>
<p>‘I don’t know,’ Caduceus said, honest. ‘I haven’t really thought about it too much.’</p>
<p>‘Huh,’ Beau said. ‘Okay, cool.’</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Fjord was quiet during the conversation, but Caduceus could practically feel the interest and attention rolling off him in waves. Still, he was pleasantly surprised when Fjord found him, later that evening. Fjord was working on being more open, but it could still be difficult for him to seek out certain conversations.</p>
<p>‘Hey, Ducey?’ Fjord asked. He looked very cold, out here, not having done very thorough shopping for the temperature and certainly used to warm temperatures himself. There was a copper flush to his skin due to the biting cold, and his breath ghosted in the air.</p>
<p>‘Fjord,’ Caduceus smiled.</p>
<p>‘I, uh. I wanted to… say thanks,’ Fjord said.</p>
<p>‘You’re very welcome,’ Caduceus smiled. ‘For what?’</p>
<p>Fjord huffed a laugh. ‘For sharing with us what you just did.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, well. It wasn’t a secret, it just hadn’t come up,’ Caduceus smiled.</p>
<p>‘Yeah,’ Fjord said. ‘I uh. I can relate? Well, not to it not being a secret, but… um. I just – wanted to say, I also…’</p>
<p>‘You’ve no interest in sex?’ Caduceus asked, truly surprised now.</p>
<p>Fjord nodded, fidgeting. ‘I uh, I actually. I can’t really stand the thought of it, at all.’</p>
<p>‘Really?’ Caduceus asked. He called himself perceptive, but he truly hadn’t picked up on this.</p>
<p>‘Yeah,’ Fjord said, in a rush. ‘I do have somewhat of a libido, and I get attracted to folks, but the idea of acting on that, uh, sexually… really puts me off.’</p>
<p>‘Huh,’ Caduceus said. ‘So somewhat different from me?’</p>
<p>‘Yeah?’</p>
<p>‘I don’t get the urge,’ Caduceus said. ‘I rarely think about it at all, and I’ve no need for it. But I don’t mind the thought of it.’</p>
<p>‘Huh,’ Fjord said.</p>
<p>‘May I ask… uh,’ Caduceus started.</p>
<p>‘Avantika?’ Fjord asked, a bit dryly.</p>
<p>‘Yes,’ Caduceus said.</p>
<p>‘I – you were right. It was a bad decision. And I didn’t sleep well with it.’</p>
<p>‘I apologize for saying that, back then,’ Caduceus said, with a pang of regret. ‘To be completely honest, I had thought it was your libido making a bad decision for you, and I suppose I felt compelled to judge out of a feeling of superiority, not being steered by such impulses myself.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, I get it,’ Fjord said. ‘Everyone thought that. I didn’t want to sleep with her, though. But I thought it would be good to gain her trust, protect all of you and myself. And later, to distract her.’</p>
<p>‘That must’ve been difficult for you,’ Caduceus said.</p>
<p>‘It was awful,’ Fjord said, looking a bit far away now. ‘She, uh. Well, she didn’t require much input, it was kinda more her doing things to me. Like, she got off from choking me, and… stuff like that. She was weird as fuck. But well. It did the trick.’</p>
<p>Caduceus felt a deep compassion for Fjord, and a flare of anger and disgust for Avantika. Seeing her undead form again after couldn’t have been easy, either. Fjord shivered, still that far-away look in his eyes.</p>
<p>‘Do you mind?’ Caduceus asked, lifting an arm. ‘You look very cold.’</p>
<p>Fjord huffed another laugh, and stepped against Caduceus side, letting the firbolg wrap an arm around him.</p>
<p>‘I’m sorry you went through that,’ Caduceus said, seriously. ‘And for not offering you any support after.’</p>
<p>‘It’s fine,’ Fjord said. ‘I don’t think I would’ve been very open to it, back then, either. But thanks.’</p>
<p>They were quiet for a bit, just standing there, cuddled together. Caduceus always really became aware of how much taller he was when cuddling with one of his friends.</p>
<p>‘I can barely imagine, you’re so mature about everything, but was it ever difficult for you?’ Fjord asked. ‘Finding out?’</p>
<p>‘Hm,’ Caduceus hummed. ‘Well, a little, for a bit. My parents were very intent on giving us a sex-positive upbringing… they taught us that it is very natural to have sexual urges, and that as long as everything is consensual, it is all part of the Wildmother’s domain. That you honor her in honoring your own and other’s bodies, regardless of whether it is with reproduction in mind. They mentioned being sexual is natural so many times that sometimes I wondered whether my lack of sexual feeling was a shortcoming to the Wildmother, was going against what was natural.’</p>
<p>‘But it’s not?’ Fjord asked.</p>
<p>‘No,’ Caduceus smiled. ‘I figured that She made me the way I am, and so it must be natural. To go against your own urges cannot be anything else than the unnatural thing.’</p>
<p>‘That makes sense,’ Fjord said. ‘You figured that by yourself?’</p>
<p>‘Sort of,’ Caduceus said. ‘I spoke with my mother about it, as well. She was surprised about it, unfamiliar with the notion, but she also said that I honor the Wildmother by listening to my own nature, rather than go along with the nature of others.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah,’ Fjord said.</p>
<p>‘How about you?’ Caduceus asked, knowing already that things must have been difficult for Fjord, who always tried so hard to fit in. Caduceus had come to understood that civilizations as the Empire, and the coastal cities, were weird about sex. On the one hand, they felt awkward discussing it, and bound it to certain roles. It was best left private and undiscussed, but by regulating it, it rarely went undiscussed at all. People were obsessed with it, doing it properly and often enough. It was strange when you had sex too late, or rarely, but also when it was too often, or with the wrong people.</p>
<p>‘Not so much when I was in the asylum,’ Fjord said. ‘I was too busy not fitting in in other ways, I guess, so I didn’t really have friends to know how obsessed kids that age can be with sex. But later, when I was with the sailors… you know sailors like to share lots of tales about the women they’ve had at port. All the time. So, I felt kinda weird, there. Thought things would change if I actually tried, but they didn’t.’</p>
<p>‘Hm,’ Caduceus said.</p>
<p>‘And I’ve felt a bit out of place, with the Nein even, too,’ Fjord admitted. ‘They can be very sex-oriented.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, I noticed,’ Caduceus said. ‘It takes up a lot of their energy.’</p>
<p>Fjord snorted.</p>
<p>‘But I’m very, uh, grateful, for you,’ Fjord continued. ‘And hearing there’s more people out there who don’t really want to have sex. To be honest, I always thought you were just isolated, and I kind of thought I was the only one like this, so it was surprising to hear. But good.’</p>
<p>‘I was surprised to hear it from you, too,’ Caduceus said. ‘You always seem very involved with these things.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah,’ Fjord said. ‘Guess I always am pretending a bit.’</p>
<p>‘Hmm,’ Caduceus rumbled. ‘No need for that, I think.’</p>
<p>‘No,’ Fjord mumbled. ‘There never was, with the Nein.’</p>
<p>They stood in silence again, for a bit. Caduceus rubbed Fjord’s arm when the other shivered, again.</p>
<p>‘Really should’ve spend a bit more time shopping,’ Caduceus admonished.</p>
<p>‘If there’s one thing I dislike more than sex,’ Fjord joked, dryly.</p>
<p>‘<em>That</em> I don’t get,’ Caduceus laughed.</p>
<p>‘I just do regrettable impulse buys,’ Fjord said.</p>
<p>‘Should have bought a ring for cold resistance.’</p>
<p>‘Tell me about it.’</p>
<p>They both snickered for a bit.</p>
<p>‘Do you have romantic interests?’ Caduceus asked, then. He’d had an idea, but he’d clearly not read Fjord as well as he’d thought.</p>
<p>‘Kinda thought that could never be for me,’ Fjord admitted. ‘That and sex always seemed pretty close connected, to me. But, uh. Yeah, I think so. And you said you didn’t know?’</p>
<p>‘The kind of warm companionship that my parents have has some appeal,’ Caduceus said. ‘A deep bond with a fellow believer.’</p>
<p>Fjord smiled up at him, a bit bashful. ‘Well, you’ve got me.’</p>
<p>‘That I do, and I am very happy for it. And in addition, I like the companionship we have with the Nein. Family, you know? That’s enough.’</p>
<p>On impulse, he bent down and kissed Fjord on his forehead. Fjord blushed, and squeezed Caduceus’ waist.</p>
<p>‘That’s enough,’ Fjord rumbled. ‘Thanks, Caduceus.’</p>
<p>‘Thank you, Fjord,’ Caduceus returned.</p>
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